Bad manners are always objectionable. We can excuse ignorant and badly brought up people, who know no better; but there are many, who do know better, who pride themselves on being rude and off-hand; and these we cannot excuse. Some of these people (conceited fellows!) think that rudeness is a sign of independence and manliness.
And others say that politeness is a form of insincerity, and hold that to say that you are glad to see a person whom you really dislike, or that you are sorry when a visitor has to leave when all the time you are glad to get rid of him, or to ask after a person’s health when you do not care whether he is alive or dead, is simply hypocrisy.
There may be something in this objection; and yet a little innocent pretence and a few mild “social lies,” may be less morally wrong than the unnecessary wounding of people’s feelings. Even if you do not like a man, it is not always necessary to tell him the brutal truth.
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Good manner is may be superficial, and sometimes they may be a little insincere; but they are as necessary to the continuance of society as oil is to the working of a machine without friction. And with people who have naturally kind hearts, politeness is neither insincere nor artificial.
For the essence of good manners is consideration for the feelings of others; and surely this is a virtue. Some one has called good manners “surface religion”, because the essence of true religion is unselfish sympathy.
You cannot like or approve of all you meet; but you can and must learn to be kind to all, even to your enemies; and the least you can do is to treat them courteously.
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There is enough sorrow in the world without our trying to increase it by unnecessary unkindness, which is the essence of bad manners. And it costs so little to be polite showing respect without servility to our superiors, courtesy to our equals, and consideration for those below us.
The true gentleman is one who instinctively thinks of the feelings, the comfort and happiness of others, before his own. He will therefore be courteous to all.
And there are the true gentlemen, nature’s gentlemen, even amongst the poor and ignorant, who, though they have not had the chance of learning all the rules of etiquette, have kind hearts.